Welcome to another exciting instalment of Ask Stacey!  And I got one of my favourite questions!

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Question 1: I have heard that if you have spent 5 years or more in prison you can qualify for a pension similar to the disability pension due to being institutionalised. Is this true?

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Sort of. So, it’s not that you have done five years and now are eligible for a disability pension. And institutionalisation is not in the current Diagnostic Statistical Manual of mental disorders. It’s the symptoms that matter – panic attacks, anxiety being outside, loud noises make you freak out. Centrelink will interview you and a doctor will need to assess you and complete a Centrelink form to say you meet a certain level of disabled.

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Can you get to appointments? Can you function? Also, a disability payment is for conditions that will not change and are actively being treated. So, symptoms have stabilised.

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You can get exemptions from job search when you leave jail for a certain period, but you are then expected to either study or job search. In that time I’d recommend talking to your family GP about how you are feeling being free. Are you anxious constantly? Are you having nightmares? Do you feel depressed? Is being around too many people freaking you out? Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder might be the issue. I still wake up screaming, thinking there are people in my cell… I mean room.

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Question 2: I intend to apply to serve my parole interstate, how do I do that?

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Good question, and depending on what state you’re in, it can be really good to serve your parole interstate because some states are very strict with parole conditions, and others treat parole as if it was just another community order like bail.

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To do an interstate parole, you must apply for parole in both states. You notify your case manager that you want to do parole interstate, like you would a normal parole application and they facilitate it, or refer you to the staff member whose job it is.

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Your application should include a statement as to:

• the supports in the state or territory you are seeking to transfer to, including the availability of accommodation
• family or other social circumstances that benefit your welfare following your release from prison.
• Medical reasons, your job prospects or any other matters. Like old mates back home, so best to stay with grandma interstate.

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Question 3: What do women want?

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I have no idea! So I googled it.  And well, market research says women consistently prioritise high-quality, practical items that elevate their routines. Such as apparel with real functionality… thanks AI! The way to a girl’s heart is through a pair of yoga pants, with pockets!

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But seriously, men and women want the same things in a relationship: trust, respect, companionship. The trouble is that we are all unique. And that’s where the issues are.

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For example, I want Warhammer 40k figurines, not yoga pants with pockets. The real question is what does your girlfriend want. Maybe ask her, not me.

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Please remember, we all deserve healthy relationships, and we are all worthy of love. When emotional safety is missing and scripted arguments are the norm, when you feel more relief apart then together, is it love, or possessiveness and identity attachment?

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A partner provides a loving, safe and supportive environment, but partners are not responsible for the other person’s feelings. Feelings come from within us, and no matter how much you or your partner tries, no one can fill a void that is inside another person, or a sadness from deep inside them. That requires therapy.

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I went to therapy and it helped a lot! My sadness isn’t as deep now! It’s mostly just surface level these days.

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Question 4: Where is the sorry book? And how do I sign it?

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The sorry book is a long and proud tradition of Australian convicts being bored. You see, in the late 18th century, inmates used to tell the new arrivals that Timor was just a walk north through the scrub. Or that there was a self-proclaimed king of the mountain and he had a colony free of the British in the mountains. They had to stop after soldiers found skeletons who had tried to walk to Timor from Sydney prisons. Or starved in the bush looking for the free colony.

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These days there are sorry books and fishing trips. I once told someone in my industry they needed a sky hook to sow some prison greens.

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To be clear though. The closest thing to the sorry book is a confession. Do not do or say anything you have not discussed with your lawyer first. Honestly. Lawyers, get one. They really help.

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That’s it for today! Love you all and stay safe. You are not alone and not forgotten.