In prison, silence isn’t always golden. It’s just another form of the unknown, another form of loss of control, another avenue for the negative thoughts to take.
When the phone call isn’t answered, the letter not replied to or the email not received – was it lost? Was it missed? Was it ignored? Was it never received, or did they simply not know how to reply?
Communication while in prison is always haunted by the unknowns, the maybes, with all the possibilities hanging over every word. All of these shape how we communicate with the outside world and shape our perception of it, which shapes our perception of how time passes for those we love. It distorts it and warps it.
It makes the 10 minutes during the call pass like seconds and the 10 minutes between calls feel like hours. The days between emails feel like months of silence. The weeks between letters feel like months of abandonment. It stretches the waiting and increases the hurt.
Communication is hard for most people, and the limitations placed on inmates and their loved ones amplify this to higher levels of frustration. Pair this with the changes forced on new inmates and their family, and it can lead to abandonment of ties between inmates and their friends and family or the projection of frustration onto those on the outside, leading to a loss of connections.
For some, these problems are further increased by limited reading and writing ability, limited funds for phone calls or being unable to adapt to all the changes in time before damage to already fragile relationships has been done. For many inside, once that damage has been done, there is no way to work on repairing it. And, contrary to the old saying, time does not heal all. It increases the gap between the two parties – sometimes to impossible distances.
This loss of connection can occur at a critical point in an inmate’s life. Connection to the outside world is important for mental wellbeing, where projected frustration can negatively influence people on the outside who are already unsure about maintaining a relationship. This can lead to increasing disconnection between the inmates and the outside world, potentially leading to a complete loss of communication and increased isolation during and after incarceration.
I put out the call to all inmates to remember that there are many reasons a call might go unanswered or a letter un-replied to and not to assume the worst. I also ask those on the outside to remember that there are many reasons for frustration in prison. If any of it leaks out in communication, it is not intentional – just a side effect of the difficulties of communication.
In prison, silence isn’t always golden. It’s just another form of the unknown, another form of loss of control, another avenue for the negative thoughts to take.
When the phone call isn’t answered, the letter not replied to or the email not received – was it lost? Was it missed? Was it ignored? Was it never received, or did they simply not know how to reply?
Communication while in prison is always haunted by the unknowns, the maybes, with all the possibilities hanging over every word. All of these shape how we communicate with the outside world and shape our perception of it, which shapes our perception of how time passes for those we love. It distorts it and warps it.
It makes the 10 minutes during the call pass like seconds and the 10 minutes between calls feel like hours. The days between emails feel like months of silence. The weeks between letters feel like months of abandonment. It stretches the waiting and increases the hurt.
Communication is hard for most people, and the limitations placed on inmates and their loved ones amplify this to higher levels of frustration. Pair this with the changes forced on new inmates and their family, and it can lead to abandonment of ties between inmates and their friends and family or the projection of frustration onto those on the outside, leading to a loss of connections.
For some, these problems are further increased by limited reading and writing ability, limited funds for phone calls or being unable to adapt to all the changes in time before damage to already fragile relationships has been done. For many inside, once that damage has been done, there is no way to work on repairing it. And, contrary to the old saying, time does not heal all. It increases the gap between the two parties – sometimes to impossible distances.
This loss of connection can occur at a critical point in an inmate’s life. Connection to the outside world is important for mental wellbeing, where projected frustration can negatively influence people on the outside who are already unsure about maintaining a relationship. This can lead to increasing disconnection between the inmates and the outside world, potentially leading to a complete loss of communication and increased isolation during and after incarceration.
I put out the call to all inmates to remember that there are many reasons a call might go unanswered or a letter un-replied to and not to assume the worst. I also ask those on the outside to remember that there are many reasons for frustration in prison. If any of it leaks out in communication, it is not intentional – just a side effect of the difficulties of communication.
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GROW is a community-based national organisation that works on mental wellbeing using a 12-step program of personal growth, mutual help and support. It operates through weekly peer support groups.
Hello to everyone in Australia. My name is Tricia. I was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I am serving a life sentence, and, for those of you who don’t know, a life sentence in Pennsylvania means your entire life.
In New South Wales, there were previously three levels of protective custody for vulnerable inmates, such as myself, who have autism spectrum disorder and other mental health issues.
I am writing to you about my one and only older sister, Alithea. RIP. It’s been 2 months since I lost you.
Help keep the momentum going. All donations will be vital in providing an essential resource for people in prison and their loved ones.
All donations of $2 or more are tax deductible. If you would like to pay directly into our bank account to avoid the processing fee, please contact donate@abouttime.org.au. ABN 67 667 331 106.
Help us get About Time off the ground. All donations are tax deductible and will be vital in providing an essential resource for people in prison and their loved ones.
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