My dear brothers and sisters,
It’s my first time in custody, been here in the remand for 5 months today.
Family issues trouble you the most while you are in the custody. Maybe you have a spouse or children. Or you may have close relationship with some members of the family. Some of us might have children in different states or overseas.
No matter what situation you are facing, you will definitely experience strong emotions when it comes to your family. You might be angry with yourself or the corrupted system of justice because you cannot see your family often as you would like. Worries about family takes a lot of time and energy. Concerns and doubts about them could be threatening to take over your mind and life. You may feel as though you have lost control of your life.
All these negative emotions may threaten to overwhelm you.
I have seen some inmates becoming obsessed with the idea that their spouse may be having an affair with another person. You may have death in your family and not be able to attend the funeral. Some news may come about difficult situation in your home or your child’s school. Family situations can test your relationship but you can always maintain a better relationship with your family without your emotions controlling you. Here are some of the guideline that I used in my situation that might help your situation too because we are on the same boat sailing together.
Write Letters
As we do not have access to phones and AVL visits much, write as many letters to your family and friends. Trust me, your spouse and children want to know that you think about and care for them. Remember birthdays and anniversaries and holidays. There are birthday cards available at the weekly buy up, make them feel special by sending cards. They have been hurt too by our actions, it takes time to heal. Let your actions show them that you are changed.
Ask For Pictures
Ask for pictures from the people you love. Trust me, those photos can comfort you a lot. They are also something you can share with your fellow inmates. Every time you look at the pictures, remember there are people waiting
for you outside.
Visits
As often as your family can, ask them to book a visit (AVL or contact). While they visit you, always avoid controversial matters and painful issues. Don’t let your emotional pain that you have inside you spill into your visitors. Stay calm when your family is not able to visit you or not willing to visit you, don’t show any anger or emotions on phone calls or letters.
If you ever begin to feel anger and other emotions, talk to someone. If you are comfortable with your cell mate, share with them, talk to your pod/wing officer to see a chaplain or a counsellor. Open your heart with them and be honest about your concerns.
Write Things Down
Keep a journal and write about the things going on in your head. List the ways you can show your love to your family while you are in custody. Write about the things you want to do to make them happy once you are released.
May your time in custody be as short as it can and hopefully you will go home to our loving family soon.
Much love, from brother Amos.
My dear brothers and sisters,
It’s my first time in custody, been here in the remand for 5 months today.
Family issues trouble you the most while you are in the custody. Maybe you have a spouse or children. Or you may have close relationship with some members of the family. Some of us might have children in different states or overseas.
No matter what situation you are facing, you will definitely experience strong emotions when it comes to your family. You might be angry with yourself or the corrupted system of justice because you cannot see your family often as you would like. Worries about family takes a lot of time and energy. Concerns and doubts about them could be threatening to take over your mind and life. You may feel as though you have lost control of your life.
All these negative emotions may threaten to overwhelm you.
I have seen some inmates becoming obsessed with the idea that their spouse may be having an affair with another person. You may have death in your family and not be able to attend the funeral. Some news may come about difficult situation in your home or your child’s school. Family situations can test your relationship but you can always maintain a better relationship with your family without your emotions controlling you. Here are some of the guideline that I used in my situation that might help your situation too because we are on the same boat sailing together.
Write Letters
As we do not have access to phones and AVL visits much, write as many letters to your family and friends. Trust me, your spouse and children want to know that you think about and care for them. Remember birthdays and anniversaries and holidays. There are birthday cards available at the weekly buy up, make them feel special by sending cards. They have been hurt too by our actions, it takes time to heal. Let your actions show them that you are changed.
Ask For Pictures
Ask for pictures from the people you love. Trust me, those photos can comfort you a lot. They are also something you can share with your fellow inmates. Every time you look at the pictures, remember there are people waiting
for you outside.
Visits
As often as your family can, ask them to book a visit (AVL or contact). While they visit you, always avoid controversial matters and painful issues. Don’t let your emotional pain that you have inside you spill into your visitors. Stay calm when your family is not able to visit you or not willing to visit you, don’t show any anger or emotions on phone calls or letters.
If you ever begin to feel anger and other emotions, talk to someone. If you are comfortable with your cell mate, share with them, talk to your pod/wing officer to see a chaplain or a counsellor. Open your heart with them and be honest about your concerns.
Write Things Down
Keep a journal and write about the things going on in your head. List the ways you can show your love to your family while you are in custody. Write about the things you want to do to make them happy once you are released.
May your time in custody be as short as it can and hopefully you will go home to our loving family soon.
Much love, from brother Amos.
