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Alcohol sets off both a physical allergy and a mental obsession.
When I am drugging and drinking, I am selfish and foolish. I have no problem telling myself and anyone that asks me, that everyone else is the problem, not me. My sponsor explained to me that I had an allergy. I had been seriously ill – bodily and mentally – and just like having a peanut allergy, if you keep eating peanuts you are going to keep swelling up. If you keep drinking/drugging, your body is going to react to this allergy in ways which you would not normally act when you are sober. The only relief is complete abstinence from ANY substance.
To classify an addict is exceedingly difficult. When I talk about ‘addiction’, I refer to addiction to both alcohol and drugs – there is no difference. Alcohol is a drug, and it is one of the most dangerous drugs of all. Some people may be able to have a few drinks a day and stop. Not have any more for a month or so, while others cannot stop drinking every day. However, if you are behaving in a way that is unacceptable to other people and you wake up feeling shame, guilt and remorse after drinking, chances are you are an addict.
I used to be ashamed that there was something wrong with me. I thought I was just a bad person. The stuff that I did to people – I just kept hurting my loved ones.
Now my motto is: “how do I want to show up as a sober woman today?” I keep working with my sponsor and she keeps humbling me. I know this is cliche, but your life truly hasn’t started until you’ve given up what you’re addicted to. I’m getting to experience life in a whole different way and it’s better than I ever thought possible. I’m not saying it’s easy – it’s hard. But I am sick of prison, death, violence and the loneliness that comes with not trusting and not appreciating good people and the things they do for me.
Alcohol sets off both a physical allergy and a mental obsession.
When I am drugging and drinking, I am selfish and foolish. I have no problem telling myself and anyone that asks me, that everyone else is the problem, not me. My sponsor explained to me that I had an allergy. I had been seriously ill – bodily and mentally – and just like having a peanut allergy, if you keep eating peanuts you are going to keep swelling up. If you keep drinking/drugging, your body is going to react to this allergy in ways which you would not normally act when you are sober. The only relief is complete abstinence from ANY substance.
To classify an addict is exceedingly difficult. When I talk about ‘addiction’, I refer to addiction to both alcohol and drugs – there is no difference. Alcohol is a drug, and it is one of the most dangerous drugs of all. Some people may be able to have a few drinks a day and stop. Not have any more for a month or so, while others cannot stop drinking every day. However, if you are behaving in a way that is unacceptable to other people and you wake up feeling shame, guilt and remorse after drinking, chances are you are an addict.
I used to be ashamed that there was something wrong with me. I thought I was just a bad person. The stuff that I did to people – I just kept hurting my loved ones.
Now my motto is: “how do I want to show up as a sober woman today?” I keep working with my sponsor and she keeps humbling me. I know this is cliche, but your life truly hasn’t started until you’ve given up what you’re addicted to. I’m getting to experience life in a whole different way and it’s better than I ever thought possible. I’m not saying it’s easy – it’s hard. But I am sick of prison, death, violence and the loneliness that comes with not trusting and not appreciating good people and the things they do for me.
When the AA/NA literature talks about ‘God’, don’t look at the guy up there with the beard. God can mean whatever you want it to mean. It’s your higher power. When I was in prison, my higher power was the light switch on my bench where I would sit for hours reading my AA/NA literature. Something my sponsor told me is that God means ‘grow or die’ for her, as she is not religious, and I like that. It’s a program of spiritual principles, not religious ones.
If the prison you’re in offers an AA/NA program – go and check it out. Do not just go once – go twice, go three times. Go, go even if you do not want to. It is not like there is much going on in prison anyway. You might find that you like it.
You can also write to this address and ask to get some material sent to you:
For other states, ask your case worker.
If you have a good caseworker, they could email administration@aavictoria.org.au and get some literature sent to you personally. AA and NA are based on the same principles: look for the similarities, not the differences in your story.
When the AA/NA literature talks about ‘God’, don’t look at the guy up there with the beard. God can mean whatever you want it to mean. It’s your higher power. When I was in prison, my higher power was the light switch on my bench where I would sit for hours reading my AA/NA literature. Something my sponsor told me is that God means ‘grow or die’ for her, as she is not religious, and I like that. It’s a program of spiritual principles, not religious ones.
If the prison you’re in offers an AA/NA program – go and check it out. Do not just go once – go twice, go three times. Go, go even if you do not want to. It is not like there is much going on in prison anyway. You might find that you like it.
You can also write to this address and ask to get some material sent to you:
For other states, ask your case worker.
If you have a good caseworker, they could email administration@aavictoria.org.au and get some literature sent to you personally. AA and NA are based on the same principles: look for the similarities, not the differences in your story.
Save the dramas, forget the muster, and if one or two people are missing, they’ll be out, charged, denied bail, and back in before the next count anyway.
After multiple sentences and long stints in prison, I am in the process of understanding myself and the impacts of my behaviours. I am writing to About Time to share with others what I have learnt. I hope this is helpful to others in similar situations to me.
Apart from military service, prison is the most ritualistic environment in our society.
Even behind bars, there are ways to soften the edges. Ways not just to pass the time, but to leave prison carrying something more than the baggage you came in with.
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