Submitted from someone incarcerated in NSW – thank you for the jokes!

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Someone complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on my windscreen. It said, “Parking fine.” So that was nice.

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I lost my job in a bank on my first day. Someone asked me to check their balance, so I pushed them over.

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I really really care about the environment, so I plant a tree for every flight I take. The cabin crew hate it.

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I'm so poor I can't even pay attention.

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I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these days.

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I don't like funerals. I'm not a mourning person.

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Two cows were standing together in a field. One said, “Moooo.” The other replied, “I knew you were going to say that.”