My name is David. I am a proud Yorta Yorta man currently locked up in Victoria.

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I am doing 14 years. I am 38 years old and I have spent 21 of that in jail.

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I grew up in Avoca, Tasmania, before coming back to Naarm (Melbourne).

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I recently had an epiphany – I was in the slot and I was looking out the window thinking: “how come I’m here?”

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I have a son, 18, who I love to death. He has a partner who I love as much as my son. I hope they stay together forever as I know she brings the happiness to my son I can’t. I have been in jail all his life. It is my biggest regret.

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It took me 35 years to ask for help. I was sexually abused as a child. I was severely beaten as a child. I grew up in a life of crime, drug and alcohol-fuelled violence. It was all I knew, and after acting out as a kid, then an adult, I threw away my life as I was broken. I didn’t know how to fix it. I only knew how to continue it.

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I never had support until I met my son’s mum. She tried, but I was young and didn’t know what to do. After that broke down, I still didn’t know what to do, so I focused on trying to fix everybody else’s life issues, which led to big sentences.

That brings me to now. In this sentence I finally found it. I found that inner self saying “enough is enough” in 2019. My now-partner is calming, caring, loving and everything in between. She came into my life when I’d seen a knot on the end of a rope. I felt as if I failed my son, my mum and family. I felt as though it would be easier to turn off the lights and stop hurting them all by coming in and out of jail.

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But I knew that was being selfish and I owe it to my son to stick it out. He could have cut me out of his life, but he didn’t, so I told myself now is the time to do it.

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So I reached out to clinicians in prison and committed to doing my H-VIP (High Intensity Violence Intervention Program), and this time I told myself to do it for me, not parole.

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So I did it. It went for 9 months, but it was during Covid so it ended up being 12-14 months. I had done this program before, but I didn’t commit like this time as I was young and immature.

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It was hard as we did a lot of what triggers me and life story and more relationships, a lot I struggled with, but it worked. Inside I found out a lot about myself and that my offending was because I didn’t deal with the child abuse trauma, and my offending was trying to protect others and acting out.

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It really did help me. I found inner peace and I finally told my mum: “I am ready, Mum.”

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She asked, “what for?”

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I said: “to be a son, partner, uncle and most of all, a father,” as I choked back tears. I finally feel as though I can do it, but I still have 6 years and I have 16 months till parole.

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It actually felt so good to say to the clinicians, “please sign me up to any programs,” and to be told, “you have done every one offered”.

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I actually enjoy them so I can grow, and instead of fighting people’s battles I can talk to them like a mentor. And boy oh boy it feels good. A lot of this is because of my partner, who has stood by me for 8 ½ years, and now I am so close. I am getting excited and scared – everything at once.

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To my partner and son, I love you all so very much. I am so proud of you, and I can’t forget my future daughter in law. You both make me so happy. To see youse smile and the way you look at each other is just beautiful.

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And to my partner, thank you. I know I am childish at the best of times, but I love you so much and can’t wait to come home to you.